Need to improve your relationship and need it done FAST? Here is a simple, fun, and effective method that’s bound to get both of you calm, connected, and talking from the heart in under 10 minutes.
Sit back to back with your partner in a cross-legged position on the floor. If this is uncomfortable you may also bend your knees and place both feet flat to the floor.
Gently push your spine up against your partner so that both of your backs, from lower to upper spine, are in contact.
Close your eyes and take deep breaths though your nose and out your mouth. Notice what it feels like to be in physical contact with your partner.
Staying connected to your own breath, begin to attune to the movement of your partner’s breathing against your back. If you can’t feel it, your partner may need to breath deeper and into the back of their lungs.
After several minutes you should be feeling a noticeable calming of your aroused nervous system, or what is often referred to as the fight or flight response. When we experience conflict or fight with our partner this visceral response is triggered in the body and communication becomes ineffective.
Now try communicating with your partner using I statements “I feel ____ when this happens.” Avoid blaming your partner and just focus on your own experience. Take turns and listen to one another. Don’t try to come up with a solution now. It’s enough to just express your feelings and invite your partner to do the same.
Are you feeling good and want more???
Try this simple partner yoga technique to realign the balance of power in your relationship:
Sitting back to back allow one person to fold forward as much as is comfortable (use the seat of a chair or several folded blankets to prop yourself for comfort).
Now let the other person lean back onto the person in the folded position.
The person leaning back needs to begin to give their weight to the other one. Communicate in order to let this happen.
Notice what this feels like. What does it feel like to take the weight of your partner? Conversely, what does it feels like to give your weight and be supported?
When you are ready switch sides: the folder becomes the one leaning back.
Usually there is one or both positions that feel particularly good. Go with that. Stay there and drink it in. Communicate with your partner what feels good and what feels not so good without judgment. Make adjustments. Focus on the physical sensations and the particulars of the pose.
In relationships there is always a power dynamic. When this dynamic gets out of whack tensions and resentments start to brew. By allowing your partner to physically support you and then switching that support so the other person gets their chance is a direct metaphor for an equal exchange of power. When one side is out of balance that’s usually the side that feels “good” or what I like to call “juicy” in that something is happening. It’s like a stretch haven’t done for a while and feels overdue.. Let the body guide you, it’s almost always right. The great part is that whatever happens on a physical has a direct effect on your mental state. Just like standing straighter has an effect on how confident you feel.
Remember, if your fighting has become physical, these exercises are counter indicated as they may provoke instead of calm tension.